From the SS Riviera ship logs
November 22, 2025
At 288 million people, Indonesia is the fourth largest country in the world behind India, China, and the USA.
Indonesia is a country of islands. The count stands at 17,000 of them but the opposition party is demanding a recount.
Indonesia has one official language but no one knows what it is. The island nation speaks 100 different languages making inventory management a nightmare for the people from Hallmark.
In Indonesia, there are no last names. So it’s simply, “Hi, Frank”, “what’s up, Bill”, “Hi, Gwendolyn”. For this reason, they will never be a super power.
Indonesia practices the caste system and the caste follows the man. So, even if your wife is at the tippy top of the hierarchy, and the man’s family counts islands for a living, the woman follows the man. In America, mixed marriage hierarchies are determined by the whitest spouse. For instance, if a person of southern italian heritage marries someone with Irish or German roots, it’s the Irish and German that gets you invited to country club events. If a person with southern italian heritage marries someone from a Jewish background, there is no clear winner and the issue will be re-litigated every evening at the dinner table (home or restaurant).
Due to their Hindu influence, the Indonesians believe the highest number is 9 ( which makes haggling a lopsided affair).
There are only 270 days in the Indonesian lunar calendar …which makes permanent appointment to the UN Security Council a virtual impossibility. Incidentally, the opposition party demands to know what happened to the other 95 days.
Armed with this cultural briefing, our expeditionary coaches took us deep into the Balinese jungle in search of the Royal Gardens.
Bali is a city of shacks, huts, and building code violations. Nothing should work but it all does. Buildings cannot be taller that 4 stories in Bali, and the architect that dared to add a 5th has been missing for 12 years
Much to my deep consternation, our coach driver sped past the swankiest parts of town and made haste towards the legendary gardens due to ominous storm clouds above.
Upon arrival, we were treated to the most glorious botanical sights and fragrances we have ever known. Melifluous sounds of flutes, horn, cymbals and all manner of chimes enveloped and embraced our senses and we were immediately overcome with a sense of calm and serenity as if injected with an opioid. I leaned over to Susan and lovingly whispered “watch your wallet”.
Tonight, we make merry. We will dine well, dip into the ship’s rum rations, and throw dice.
Tomorrow, we safari on the island of Komodo in search of its fierce and fabled dragon. Our traps will be baited with the remains of the coach driver who sped past the swanky part of town.